i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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