she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
