I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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