Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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