I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
