Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
