i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
