Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
