Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
