I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
