I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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