Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
