So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
