john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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