i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
These tits shall not be calmed
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