Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
