too bad you live with your parents still
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
