Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
