First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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