oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
