new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
