thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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