i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
