We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
