Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
