guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
