I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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