Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Green mimosas i think yes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
