i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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