Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
