Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
