Rock
Scissors
Fuck
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
