I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dignity is for republicans.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
