His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
