there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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