Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
