Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
