dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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