Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
