can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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