I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
