My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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