Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
