I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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