Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there's paper in my vomit.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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