i need an iv and a liver transplant
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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