Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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