i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
