Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
