And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
