i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
