just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
