you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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